are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
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Well I just put wine in my tea
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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