Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
