I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
