Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
this is an emotional support booty call
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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