I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
