Taylor Swift is so right about you.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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