So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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