I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
