Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
