i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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