So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
