you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
