it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
