marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
