While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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