If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
