She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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