I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Operation Purity has been aborted
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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