You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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