absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
