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Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
