Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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