She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
