weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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