Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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