I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
