FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
