He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
