Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize