ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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