How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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