On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
