is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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