hotel room ftw
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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