Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
