Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
