I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Text me some of your sweat
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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