DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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