were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
