this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
