he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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