Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
