My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I had to cum in my sink.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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