They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
no, he came in my armpit
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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