PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
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I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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