what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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