help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
