i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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