I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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