Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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