hell yes lets make some ravioli
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
