DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
