I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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