I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
