She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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