I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you never un-have a 4some
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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