I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
