You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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