you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
