I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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