do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
