I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
