# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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