Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I AM VODKA MAN
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
