last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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