how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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