I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize