I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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