I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
