yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
