There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
