He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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