it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
