she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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