i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
