Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
