You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
