shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
